


That Doesnt Go in There!!

by DrusillaTheBloody



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: Drabble, Mild Smut, Sexual Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-03
Updated: 2019-08-03
Packaged: 2020-07-30 13:54:17
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 427
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20098270
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DrusillaTheBloody/pseuds/DrusillaTheBloody
Summary: the result of a one word, one character challenge given to me by queerfanwrites, the word was baton and the character was 12. A short laugh for anyone, nothing in detail and nothing graphic.





	That Doesnt Go in There!!

This was just ridiculous ! Humans and their tiny pudding brains! . The doctor grumped his was around the tardis looking at the stand where his prized argonian war baton usually

Rested. It was still there, green, knobbly, ridged, about as thick as a broom handle. He was quite proud of it; it was a gift of the royal family. That was until he heard the fateful words just 3 hours ago. 

"Doctor ...you know that baton ? Well it might be kinda... stuck ? You know inside ...well...strax" .

THREE HOURS EARLIER

Clara's voice sounded out in the tardis as the doctor chatted with Jenny and vastra. The two women were sipping tea and the doctor was reminiscing of the Mesozoic era when the words sounded. 

"...it might be kinda...stuck ? You know inside ....well...strax". 

The doctor froze even as Jenny choked and turned the same colour as her wife. Vastra sprayed tea all over the console and turned a rather interesting lilac colour. The doctor turned to see Clara standing there with her eyes fully inflated with guilt. They were about the size of tennis balls at the moment and getting larger. "What do you mean...inside strax ? Did he swallow it ?" He asked irritably and Jenny choked again, Clara turning a fetching pink.

"Um...no? It might. Yeah it might be inside his...colon ?" She said warily expecting the explosion.

The doctor just looked at her with no expression and asked ruthlessly. "Why?", ignoring the sounds coming from Jenny that reminded him of a dying sheep being throttled and the wheezes from the Silurian next to her. Clara looked shifty, her eyes were as big as grapefruits now, he was sure it was some kind of shapeshifting gene. 

" He might have found um...some ...items under my bed when he was cleaning my

Room for me ? And I um. Might have explained about how some humans insert things for fun ?".she said almost as if it were a question and not a horrific fact. 

The doctor put a hand to his temples, fingers massaging as Jenny and vastra apparently choked to death behind him. 

Just then strax stomped into the room cheerfully and his were the only noises. 

"Hello doctor ! Madams ! Well boy it was indeed a pleasure! Now how do I get it out? I wish to insert it again for the glory of the sontaran empire !". 

Jenny fainted. 

END FLASHBACK 

the doctor glanced back at the heavily sterilised baton in its case and sulked. He was never 

trusting Clara again. It still smelled of potato !


End file.
